Picking the right mental health practitioner for you, is really, really important. You know a lot more than you think you know. What you need is permission! You are about to tread into territories that will be new and uncertain for you. Finding a guide you can trust on a gut-level will make a huge difference. This looks different for different people. I recommend you come up with a list of questions, and interview at least three people. I’ve put some more suggestions below.

Tips on What to Ask:

Think about the reason you are seeking therapy? What are you hoping for? Then try to craft questions that take your own needs seriously.

Is there something that you think is just too silly to ask, but you’d really like to know? Definitely put that on your list! Often things we really care about masquerade as “silly” because they are scary.

What about questions that might be considered impolite or nosy, but really matter to you? This is a good time to find out how your mental health person handles sticky situations. Use tact and be kind, but ask your question. Sometimes the feeling you get from the interaction is more informative than the answer itself. Be brave.

Here’s a good question to ask yourself. “What would help me feel safe?” Did something come to mind that you hadn’t thought of? See if asking yourself that question shakes something loose for you.

Try pretending you are 5 years old. Pretend you’re not supposed to already know everything. You might end up with questions like: “How long will this take?” “Why do you like IFS?” “What if it doesn’t work?” “How much does this cost?” I’m not saying these are the questions to ask. I’m just encouraging you to let your curious kid in on the discussion.

Then What?

After you do your first interview - write down your impressions right away. See what your head thinks. How does your gut feel? Now, interview at least one more person! It’s better if you can interview two more, but one more will give you a comparison. Compare your notes. If no one fits the bill - keep looking. Caution: don’t use this as a way to procrastinate picking someone all together. If someone feels pretty good - give them a try.

I’ve had life-changing results using this method. Most of us were not schooled in how to find a mental health professional. But this type of hands-on involvement will help you feel more confident, and help you be in the driver’s seat of your own health journey.

What If…?

If you find you’ve picked the wrong person - no harm no foul. It’s OK! It happens to the best of us. You can politely terminate the sessions either in person or by email. But keep looking! You’ve come so far - don’t let a bad match slow you down!

IMPORTANT NOTE: If, however, the reason you want to stop is because you are uncomfortable because you’re talking about real things, close to the heart - do your best to stick it out for a couple more sessions. Talk to your practitioner if you need to slow down. If you have other concerns, do your best to mention them. Then, see how your requests and needs are received. Setting a boundary or stating your needs could be your growing edge!

But if don’t feel seen or heard, you feel disrespected, or that you are wasting your time - move on! This is 100% percent about your needs, period, end of story! Lastly, sometimes you just grow out of a good thing, and need to move on. Hopefully you’ll get a great match right off the bat.